For the benefit of the H8RZ who believe that no one watches wrestling shows that take place out of the ring, Total Divas is here to school you for its seventh season (seventh!).
There are a few things that make Total Divas (and Total Bellas) different from other wrestling shows, but the biggest difference, of course, is that the stars of the show use their real names, not their ring names. It’s the reason that, for example, Daniel Bryan was referred to as “Bryan” throughout the episodes of Total Bellas this past season, and why Carmella (for example) will be referred to as “Leah.”
Our girl Nikki Bella, fresh off her ignoble exit from Dancing with the Stars (she was robbed, ROBBED we tell you!), will now serve as the executive producer of the hit E! show, because GET MONEY, NIKKI.
In the next Total Divas segment, Brie is playing with baby Birdie — who is the spitting image of her father, Daniel Bryan. We see a preview of Winston’s butt — whom, you will recall from this past season of Total Bellas, was the subject of a much-contested Puppy Custody battle between Brie and her twin sister, Nikki — and Bryan, who comes in and volunteers that he’ll be able to change baby Birdie if needed. Brie tells us that Bryan has received paternity leave, which she finds to be remarkable (even though many larger companies, today, offer fathers paternity leave in the same way they offer mothers maternity leave).
Ultimately, it’s Nikki who ends up feeding her niece, which is the perfect segue into her Total Divas segment, where she talks about her neck, her back, and…her engagement. (Was your mind in the gutter again?)
Nikki thinks that she would be a good substitute as GM on SmackDown, especially since Bryan is out on paternity leave, and especially since she can’t participate in the Money in the Bank ladder match.
Back in the Bella house, the Danielson family is having a nice family moment when Bryan springs on Brie that he has to go to Toronto for work. Needless to say, Brie takes it as well as you think she would, but eventually accepts that “she’s got it” because Bryan gave her the confidence as a mother to feel as such.
A week before Money in the Bank, Nikki has a pre-event pool party (which is really hilarious to watch, considering how, outside of Total Divas, these women tear each other’s hair out — usually, reality shows are the other way around, in that real life is very fun, while the show is exaggeratingly dramatic, but that’s what makes this show fun).
Nikki and Nattie give Lana the best advice they have — with Nikki recalling her WrestleMania win — while also reminding Rusev that she’s not going to do anything that makes her hurt herself.